Thoughtless and Cruel
by Boyue
Summary: After Lee was hospitalized, Gaara makes his last visit to conclude their relationship. -GaaLee- COMPLETE!
1. Lee's Monologue

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

"**Autumn's Monologue" © From Autumn to Ashes**

**Pairing: GaaLee. **

--

_I break in two over you, oh__  
__I break in two__  
__and each piece of me dies__  
__and only you can give the breath of life_

-"Autumn's Monologue"

--

It started raining in the morning.

Lee stared out the window of the hospital room. He watched – barely amused – how the raindrops slammed against the glass, slithered downward, and formed a pool on the windowsill. White bandages wrapped around his left arm while a cast hid his left leg. The morphine in his veins freed Lee from the pain of his injuries. The door opened and Tenten entered with a bouquet of crimson carnations in her arms. She smiled though an obvious melancholy marked her face.

"Lee," the young woman greeted. "You look good today."

"Thank you. As do you, Tenten," Lee answered back with a more sincere smile.

Tenten stride over to the bedstand. She removed the browning bouquet of tulips and placed it aside. In silence, Tenten arranged her fresh carnations in the porcelain vase. Tenten's flower arranging skill was not extraordinary; she simply adjusted each stem to different height, giving the bouquet some dimension. Lee observed his friend though he was not particularly interested in the flowers.

"They're from Ino's shop," Tenten spoke up. She finished her arrangement and pulled back away to take a better look at it. "She says, 'You better get well soon!'."

"Please give her my thanks."

"Will do." Tenten flashed a half-hearted grin and nodded her head. She pulled a wooden chair from the other side of the room and dragged it next to Lee's bed. The scratching of the wood rang uncomfortably in Lee's ears and stirred up a throbbing headache. The ache went away, as soon as Tenten settled down on the chair.

"It's still raining, huh," Tenten commented. Lee nodded softly and the small talk continued. "Ah, but the air always smells so fresh after the rain. It'll be fun to have a picnic at the park, right? Oh, thinking about it makes me hun--"

Lee did not mean to interrupt but there had been a pressing question in his throat that demanded to be voiced.

"Tenten, forgive me for interrupting … but have you seen Gaara?"

Tenten dropped her eyes, looking away from Lee. Her hands clasped together over her thighs. She opened her mouth but hesitated.

"Lee, about Gaara," Tenten said slowly, choosing her words with precision, "maybe you should forget about him."

Tenten's request did not even strike Lee as shocking. He had expected it. It was not the first time he had heard it. People in his life had expressed the same sentiment before. They had warned him the danger of being with Gaara and he had thanked them wholeheartedly for their concerns. But Lee was his own man and he made his own decision. He did not believe that Gaara would hurt him.

Lee merely shook his head and put a tiny smile on his chapped lips. "That is impossible."

"Lee," Tenten said, "he did _this_ to you." She gestured toward Lee's broken arm and leg. She brought her hand up and gently touched the fading bruise on Lee's cheek.

Lee widened his smile at the touch. He took Tenten's hand with his able hand and gave her a soft squeeze. He did not say anything because there was nothing to say. Gaara _did_ do this to him. It was reality despite how much Lee wished to pretend it was not. He remembered the scorn on Gaara's unchanging face as he tumbled down the flight of stairs. He recalled the sharp pain he felt as he laid motionless at the concrete ground. The pain did not come from his shattered bones or bleeding cuts; it birthed from the depth of his heart. Why had Gaara pushed him down the stairs? Lee did not find an answer before he lost his consciousness then.

"I still love him." Lee did not need to say another word.

Tenten squeezed Lee's hand back, showing her affection in her tight grip. They released each other's hand with a shared understanding smile. Tenten stood up and gathered up the withered bouquet.

"I'll come back tomorrow and maybe I'll bring you something if I do have a picnic."

"I will look forward to it."

Tenten turned around but stopped mid-action. She spun back and gave Lee a quick peck on the forehead, followed by a playful poke to his temple.

"Take care now."

Lee grinned widely and gave his signature thumb-up. After Tenten left the room, Lee turned his head once again toward the window. He squinted when he caught a blob of red in his eyesight. He bolted up – as much as he was able to – and glared through the window. All he could see was his distorted reflection. Lee exhaled a sigh and leaned back against the bed, supporting his body in angled position.

Though he did not take his eyes off the window, Lee could not see the faint fingerprints – washed off quickly by the rain – on the other side of the glass.

-End-

--

**A/N: Poor Tenten does not get enough screen time.**

**Next chapter: Gaara's side of the story.**


	2. Gaara's Monologue

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

"**The Fiction We Live" © From Autumn to Ashes**

**Summary: Gaara sneaks into the hospital room and gives Lee his final confession.**

* * *

_The thing is I'm not worth the sorrow_

_And if you come and meet me tomorrow_

_I'll hold you down, fold you in,_

_Deep, deep, deep in the fiction we live_

"_The Fiction We Live"_

* * *

"Lee, you need to rest," a disgruntled nurse urged as she tapped her foot on the floor impatiently. Lee gave a sheepish smile and remained seated, his eyes wandered toward the window every now and then.

"Don't make me get the Hokage in here."

"No, no, there is no need to bother Tsunade-sama," Lee reassured, scratching the back of his head. "I am not tired yet."

"You haven't slept in days, how can you not be tired? Look at those black circles under your eyes, you're starting to look like a raccoon." The nurse walked up to the window and closed the blinds. Lee muttered a whine and tried to stop her from drawing the blinds. Since he was immobilized on the bed he could only watch as sunlight disappeared from his room. "Take a nap or something."

"Yosh! I will … try," Lee answered with a promising salute. The nurse raised her eyebrow and Lee scratched his cheek with an embarrassing grin.

"I'm getting the doctor to prescribe you sleeping pills," she said as she smacked her palm on her forehead. She stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her. Outside, she complained loudly about how disobedient her patient was.

Gaara watched the screen from a distance outside the hospital. Once the nurse left, he formed a sign with his hands and a spiral of sand transported him inside the room. Lee's eyes were closed and he was starting to doze off when Gaara materialized next to his bed. The sudden amount of chakra in the room knocked Lee out of his daze. His first reaction was a defensive one, raising his hands to battle the intruder, but once he saw who it was, Lee lowered his hands.

"Gaara!" Lee gaped. The weariness in his eyes vanished instantly. He reached out his hand for Gaara, like a child begging for a toy he couldn't have. "You came. Thank you."

Gaara kept his distance and backed away from the bed. Arms crossed over his chest in a detached manner. Cold eyes avoided Lee's yearning ones. He watched Lee's helpless hand hanging in the air, trying to grab him. When Lee understood that Gaara wasn't going to come closer, he kicked the white blanket off and took a foot off the bed. A pillar of sands immediately pinned Lee down on the bed.

"Please let me go, Gaara," Lee pleaded. "I … want to touch you. I miss you."

"No, you'll listen to me," Gaara commanded. His voice kept low and devoid of any trace of emotion. "I came to bring an end to the madness."

Lee squirmed as a fist of sands covered his mouth, leaving enough room under his nose for air passage. Gaara slid closer to the bed now that Lee was safely confined. He was close enough to smell the antibacterial ointment pasted over Lee's wounds. Lee relaxed against the bed, but his eyes followed Gaara's every move. The redhead drew a deep breath and paced around the room as he began.

"The truth is I love you dearly. You brought emotions into my life that I never knew exist. You made me believe that even a monster like me could have something as wondrous as love. You've became, over the years, the reason of my existence. I will give you the world if you ask for it. But I realize that I've grown to love you _too much_. I've became dependant on your affection. Nights without you by my side sent me into frenzy. I have, perhaps, arrived to the point where I simply cannot live without you. And the thought of not having you, of losing you brew desires in me: desires that I can't control. I know now that what my heart wants far exceed what I can ask of you. What happened that day is only a glimpse of the harm I can do you. I can never forgive myself. When you didn't fight back, it's clear to me that everything must stop before I--before I do something that I will regret."

Though his voice is muffled under the sand, Lee's protest was loud and clear. Gaara was thankful that Lee was under the influence of morphine, fatigue, and was injured. Or else, Lee would've broken through the sand long ago. Lee struggled too wildly and his wounds bled open. Grains of sand turned copper. At the sight of Lee's blood, Gaara clutched his head in his hand.

"I've hurt you again. I hope you understand that this is the best course of action." Gaara took a scroll out and peeled it open. He placed the blank scroll on the edge of the bed. "I don't want you to become my prisoner as I've became yours. I will erase myself from your memory. Everything we've shared will be a dream. My name will be but a whisper of the desert. I'll free you from myself. I give you this, even though I know it's not merely enough to compensate what you have given me..." He took a deep breath. His hands formed a rapid series of seals. A rush of light enveloped Lee's body. Unintelligible words and symbols imprinted on the paper scroll. Lee's eyes snapped wide open; obsidian orbs locked onto teal ones. Gaara stood unflinching as the life faded from Lee's gaze. "I give you nothing."

Lee's eyelids dropped slowly. The light around him vanished and the scroll rolled itself up. A seal glued the scroll shut. Gaara picked up the scroll and held it tight in his grip. "You and I will only exist in here now." He towered over his ex-lover. He stroked the coal-colored hair and played with the stray strands with his fingers. He leaned in to rest his forehead against Lee's. Lee snored quietly. Gaara pressed their lips together and suckled on Lee's bottom lip. He savored their last kiss. Their first kiss frightened him and their last drilled a hole in the core of his soul.

"Sleep well. You won't dream about me."

-The End-

* * *

**Boyue's Afterword: Gaara did nifty ninja stuff in here chapter! Yar, har, har! This chapter, well, could've been written a lot better and without such cliche plot device. I wrote it in my head when I was trying to sleep and it sounded a lot better in my head. Review please? And tell me how to improve? It'll make Boyue a happy panda. :)**

**Next chapter: Epilogue. **


	3. Epilogue

**Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto**

**"Autumn's Monologue" © From Autumn to Ashes**

* * *

_How could love be so thoughtless, so cruel?  
When all, all that I did was for you_

- "Autumn's Monologue"

* * *

**Epilogue**

Lee scratched the bandage wrapped around his arm. He looked around the hospital room that he had come to be familiarized with. He was eager to leave the hospital but his doctor had decided that he needed to stay for further observation since _that_ happened. Two days ago, Lee had woken up with no memories of the past three years. The last thing he could recall was entering the Chuunin exams and the rest was a blank. His head throbbed when he tried to summon those lost memories. When he woke up two days ago, Guy-sensei informed him that he trained too recklessly and was hospitalized after suffering a head trauma. Lee believed his sensei without a doubt. After all, how was he not to when Guy was sobbing his eyes out?

Lee absent-mindedly played with the loose bandage. He was not the type who liked to sit still but since both his doctor and his sensei had told him not to move, Lee didn't dare to disobey. Conquering boredom would be good training, Lee concluded and he was always up for training. About thirty minutes ago, Lee had decided to try out mediation. Two minutes after his decision, Lee resorted to tugging his bandage and staring out the window. Maybe his head injury affected his concentration ability, but Lee could not focus his mind. When he tried to mediate, incoherent thoughts entered his mind. He saw something the back of his mind that bothered him. It took no shape or form; it wasn't an object or a person: it was a blob of redness. Lee couldn't shake the feeling that the blob of red, whatever it might be, was very important to him. Unable to figure out an answer, frustration built up in him and disrupted his mediation.

Lee turned his head toward the door when he felt someone's presence in the room. His visitor, a slender red-haired boy with porcelain-like skin, stared at him with arms crossed over his chest. He stalked into the room, like a cautious predator waiting on his prey. Lee didn't recognize the face but the boy brought a troubling familiarity to Lee's already confused mind. Polite as he was, Lee gave a welcoming smile.

"Hello there," Lee greeted, beaming with excitement that he had someone to talk to even though he didn't know the boy.

"Hello," his visitor responded. His voice was low, breathless, full of danger, and killer intent. But there was always a faint trace of gentleness. What a perplexing person, Lee thought.

A brief silence occurred when neither the redhead nor Lee spoke. Lee was hoping that his visitor would introduce himself but he figured that not everyone might have heard about his amnesia. He suddenly felt an embarrassment. He must look so rude staring blankly at someone who was kind enough to see him at the hospital.

"Um," Lee started, "I seemed to have suffered a head injury and now I have amnesia. So please forgive me for asking … but who are you?" He tried to voice his words as polite as possible though he was certain that he must have offended his visitor since the redhead's complexion darkened.

"No one. I'm in the wrong room," the redhead responded. He uncrossed his arms and turned on his heels. Watching him leave sent a tremor to Lee's chest. He wasn't sure why it pained him to see his visitor go. He didn't think he was _that_ lonely that he would rely on the kindness of a stranger.

"I feel like I know you," Lee called out and he mentally high-fived himself since the redhead paused.

His red-haired visitor turned his head with a blank face. Lee quivered at the intense chill he felt from the boy's teal eyes but there was also some odd comfort around him. He sensed an apologetic longing in the boy's glare. Who was this person? Lee felt like he'd known him his whole life but he didn't even have a hint of his name.

"What's your name?"

"Good bye," was his visitor's answer. He walked out of the room and this time, no matter how Lee shouted 'Wait!", he didn't turn back around.

Lee sulked into the bed. He kept his eyes out on the hallway, secretly hoping to catch a glimpse of the mysterious red-haired stranger. He scratched the tip of his nose and sneezed loudly. In the split second he closed his eyes to sneeze, a blast of red filled his vision. Lee pulled his eyes open and snapped his neck at the direction of the door. He knew that boy … but who was it? A tingling sensation crawled beneath his skin. He felt sick. His insides twisted into knots. And his heart, oh, how his heart ached. He clutched at his chest, fingers digging deep into his flesh.

"Lee I'm here," a cheerful girl called out. Tenten walked into the room with a bouquet of yellow and white carnations. She wore a bright grin on her face as she walked up next to Lee's bed. "You said you wanted yellow ones, so I got--" Tenten lowered the bouquet to the bed stand. The grin on her face vanished like it was never there. "Lee, what's wrong?"

Lee held his clasped hands to his chest. His head hanged low. His whole upper body leaned downward. He gasped sharply. Trails of tears rolled down his cheeks. He made a staccato sob from the back of his throat. Tenten placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him up.

"Lee?"

Lee dropped his head further down. Tears dropped to the white blanket covering his lower body. He chuckled and lifted his head up in a swift motion. "I do not know why but … it feels like … someone has put an explosive tag inside my chest and it is now exploding."

"I'll get the doctor. Hang on," Tenten soothed. Lee grabbed her hand and shook his head.

"It is not the kind of pain that a doctor can help me with," Lee explained. He pressed his palm against his heart and felt his irregular heartbeats. His eyes wandered out to the hall and it felt like another explosive tag had gone off in his chest. He burst out a wailing sob and all the years of self-control training evaporated in an instance. He wept into his palms. Tenten quickly sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled Lee into a tight embrace. She rubbed Lee's shoulder in a steady motion, shushing him like a mother to her child who'd just scraped his knee.

"It's okay. Everything is fine," she hushed. "Cry it all out and you'll feel better."

Lee took the advice and cried loudly on Tenten's shoulder. He didn't care that how embarrassing it was to cry on a girl's shoulder. He didn't care what Neji would say about his pathetic state. All he knew and felt were weights crashing down on his heart. What was the worst was that he didn't even understand why he felt so terrible. Why was there this inexplicable pain? He was feeling fine a while ago; he had been feeling fine since he woke up. What had changed between now and then? Lee grappled onto Tenten's body and buried his face in his teammate's shoulder.

In his drowning mind, all Lee could see was his redhead visitor that didn't leave his name.

-The End-

**Boyue's Afterword: Voila! This piece is done. I'm actually quite happy with how this epilogue turned out. Better than I've thought it would be. **

**In my introductory creative writing class, my T.A. gave us three rules: 1) No dying. 2) No crying. 3) No dreaming.**

**I guess I failed her.**

**Reviews will make Lee stop crying. Srly.**


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